How choosing to choose might take your children’s power away

Parents can’t choose the mates of their children. You actually can’t choose anything for them without disempowering them.
— Abraham

If you are like me and like many of the parents I’ve dared to mention this quote before, your first reaction might be something like  WHAAAT?

Believe me I understand. That was my first reaction when I heard that the first time.  But leading with this quote feels like the best way for me to match the intention of this week’s Magic Monday.  

Because this week I want to share with you one of the ways I realized I was disempowering my daughter and how I overcame the anger and the frustration (and the guilt that came afterwards) that I felt in that situation.

My intention is not to tell you what to choose or not to choose for you children. Besides, as a mother myself, I know that I can get a bit cranky when someone tells me what to do. 

My intention is to share with you a powerful exercise that help me feel like a more loving, compassionate and powerful mother. This exercise influenced the way I live my life, the way I see my children and the way I parent them.

And the more I practice it, the better it gets.

It is a powerful exercise about compassion and about seeing people's lives through their own eyes.

To do this exercise all you have to do is to

  1. Think about a moment when you got really angry because you wanted your kid or kids, to do something and they did not want to. It is also important that you can be able to relive the moment as much as you can.

  2. Listen to the recording of this exercise and learn what I did and how I did it.

You can listen to it here.


When I first read about this exercise I immediately felt  that I had to try it with my daughter Lucía that was about two and a half years old.

At the time  I was learning about how to activate our three heart centers and how aligning all of them  awakens all the qualities of love  that allows us to love in the same way that our soul loves us and everybody around us, going beyond our ego and our personality.  

Some of those qualities include unconditional love and acceptance, serenity, compassion, connection and the ability to surrender emotions of fear, self-doubt, worry, guilt, etc. to our heart and transform them into flow, inner peace, love and acceptance.

So this is what was happening in our lives back then:

Before Marco (my son) begun in school in the summer of 2015, we didn't have any trouble getting out of the door on time in the morning because there was not a specific time the kids needed to be at the daycare.

The only thing they asked at the daycare was that the kids were there no later than 9:30 am.

So, when we moved from that freedom to having to be at school before 8:00 am... WOW! that was challenging!

There was a period when Lucía was really driving me nuts, I was a bit frustrated because I felt like it was so hard. No matter how early I got up and made myself and other things ready, we would always have an argument when it was time to get out.

I felt like it didn't matter what I did, or say, she would just get upset. It was so difficult to get out of that door in a good mood.

One day I literally had to grab her very strongly to try to put her into her snow suit. I was surprised by how much strength she had and after trying hard to put it on her, I had to give up. I gave up. I felt like if I continued to push her into that suit, I could break her arms.

I remember that I was sitting down on the floor with my back leaning against our apartment's door and all I wanted to do was to cry.

I sat there and said f---k it. I don't care. We get there when we get there. There was a lot of silence, the kids were sad, I felt horrible.


Anger is is an emotion and as any other emotion it has energy.

Anger is the emotion of a need that is not being met. The energy is in that need that is not being met.

Think about a moment when you wanted your kids to do something, and they didn't want to do it but you forced them to. 

You are not getting what you want and you get angry. They are not getting what they want, they get angry or throw a tantrum.

If you read my story with my daughter and listened to the exercise I share in this message, what happened with Lucía is that she felt like she didn't have a choice. I also felt like I didn't have a choice. If I wanted to get out of the door on time, she had to put her suit on exactly in the minute I wanted her.

We feel powerless when we feel like we don't have a choice.

Can you think about a couple of examples, where you can just forget about your own expectations and let your kids choose? Will doing that make it easier? Will it make you feel better?

One thing I learned from my experience, and it is that I could perfectly let go of me wanting my kids to put clothes on, that they don't want to.

And that can be quite fun!

This is a very simple, yet extremely powerful exercise that will drop you into your heart and will activate compassion and a beautiful sense of connection. Both of them qualities that are strengthened when you awaken the heart of your head center.

You can do it with anyone, not only your children.

Every client and person that has done this, agrees on how helpful and powerful this exercise is.

Go ahead and try it out and let me know how it felt and in which ways it helped you. I’d love to hear from you and read a comment on the area below this post.

Here's the link to listen to the exercise again


With love and gratitude

Adriana

P.S. Last week I hosted a free five day challenge on one of my friend’s Facebook page about awakening and aligning your heart centers. The page is called La Grande Maison and it is the home of the Singing Hearts Retreats for Women, which I am honored to be leading two of them this year.